My Biggest Purchase to Date


I just paid my first term of Law School out of pocket, and it made my heart flutter and my stomach drop simultaneously. I have never paid with real money before. At my undergrad I worked and received a tuition waiver but this is by far the biggest swipe of my debit card I have ever made. It was truly amazing having the opportunity to pay for my first semester without student loans, it was a gift from my late grandmother who always wanted to help me achieve my dreams. I can’t help but think how thrilled she would be about me going to school and it was a surprisingly emotional experience for me to just hit confirm payment. Everything is getting so real. So so real. I have been waiting for this moment since I was 15 years old. I would constantly think, “I’m almost there: Three years left of high school, Four years left of College, and then I will learn what I want to”. Those seven years flew by. I don’t even know where they went or remember how they were spent. 
It is that moment that you wish for it to be the day of, and then the morning of the day of you can’t help but think ow quickly you got there. Time is relative but for the first time in my academic career I will be able to live in the present. 
As someone who likes comfort, and makes decisions for comfort I am scared. This is new with new people and no claim to anything other than that all of this is taking place in my home town. Which is oddly comforting, I still feel like I am going into something blind and I am trying to predict how I will react. I have become so repetitive in my conversation and I admit it has been in seek of comfort from my friends and family. I try to plan what I will do and say whilst fighting the urge to be petrified by fear. I want to be scared and give into my anxiety and due nothing but for the first time there is a fire inside of me fighting against the urge to be frozen. So many things are happening or changing and I am still in awe of the precipice that awaits me. 


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