Well here it goes, my first ten minute session on a laptop. Ten minutes is an exercise that helps me write due to the fluidity of thought. I find it to be more difficult to focus. Maybe it is because I am watching tv and staring all around the room since I can type without looking at the screen. It feels distant. I feel more far away from my own thoughts than I already did. Perhaps I’ve locked them down due to stress. Stress. My life is Stress. Is life anything but stress? Good stress or bad stress.
I was also thinking about how when someone people write they put up a facade. The make themselves seem likable and decent but in real life they are terrible. I wonder how far I am from my computer personality. It might just be a different facet of me, but it is in no means dishonest. I don’t know why I write these sort of things. They are somewhat passive aggressive but I am stuck. I hate having to have to deal with people. I am a bridge burner or I am a lazy government bridge builder, who doesn’t like to build a bridge unless I am receiving a large amount of help. I however am just along for the ride. Some people are not my people to cut. I wish I could I really do and this sense of helplessness is overwhelming. Every time I am on social media I think about it but yet can do nothing about it. Here I am, Caring about people who don’t even think of me. it sounds so melodramatic and it makes me sick that I care that much about how these people think of me. It only keeps getting more melodramatic. Ha. Lets have a rapid change of content.
Hmm well the goal is to not sop typing. I guess I am doing that to the best of my ability but so far I have simply just complained. Writing is a form of complaining just sometimes I due it poetically.