nonfiction · spirituality · thoughts

Music and Memory

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Our mortality is defined by the rhythm in our chest and most probably the reason humanity is tied to music. From lute to iPod we listen for songs that bring understanding and peace to our existence. I would argue that everyone has a certain artist,album or song that takes them somewhere different. Outside of their current reality and into what is really happening.¬†I understand that this probably sounds like complete gibberish but for me it is how I feel. Those songs that make you feel like you are having an out of body experience in order to have an “outsider’s opinion”. It is in every way a spiritual experience.There is no way I am explaining what I want to explain and I am aware I am only rambling but long story short: I love airborne toxic event. They have been the soundtrack to my adult life. I remember the first time I ever heard one of their songs, vividly.
The first song I ever heard by them was “sometime around midnight” I heard it on the radio while waiting to put gas in my car. I was going through a break up, the only one I have ever gone through. I was forced to let go of my sort of on and off again high school romance that was more negative than good but passionate none the less. It brought me to the idea of maybe seeing him again years later hoping that part of him would still love me. I sat in my volvo and reclined the seat and closed my eyes, only opening them to look through the sun roof at the california palm trees that were growing between lumps of concrete. It was summer and it was hot. It felt like a promise. That song was a promise to receive that feeling before I had died. I will be the girl laughing and swaying and holding her tonic like a cross. Being seen as holding the kind of purity that only could be held by a man who put all his imaginary eggs in the imaginary soul of the one who slipped his grasp. I have yet to receive that stare from across the bar but I believe one day I will.
For months I waited to hear that song again, not remember the name because I was so lost in it the first time I heard it. By this time the boy I was fantasizing was in the rear view and I had a new love interest, he was with me when I bought the first album. We played it nonstop for the entire fall. Song after song letting ourselves absorb into it. When I hear that album I am reminded of the beginnings and ends that happened in the year 2010. It was the soundtrack to that era of my life. When the next album came out it was the same effect, finding it’s way into my memories softly playing when recalled. “Changing” was our anthem. Windows rolled down on the highway anthem. Singing off key together in perfect harmony.
The next list of song that occurred was the album Such Hot Blood. It was an album I missed the initial release on but found it one day on accident like running into an old friend. The sounds were a little lighter now but with a sad undertone, an album I had found at the end of winter and begging of spring. When my thoughts were occupied by responsibilities my emotions were roaming and searching for something that could connect me back to something, anything really. This was the album that defined my disconnect with my Flagstaff home. My thoughts were in Southern California along with my soul.
Now on Feb 20th the latest album came out and once again will become the canvas for my memories. Moving back to the place that has always being home but with a different sound and a different rhythm, familiar but different enough to scare me. My windows are back to being rolled down on any day of the year, accepting what is to come and accepting what already is.


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