thoughts

Just Say It

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I recently heard some of the best advice I had every heard, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” I wish it was advice that was easy to follow. I don’t care about people on the street or the lady who took my obnoxious fast food order, it is the people that I am usually forced to be around. For those of you who don’t know me or read me regularly or have not yet figured out the kind of person I am, I am not considered warm. I don’t bother with small talk or ritual. If you complement my blouse that does not mean I will complement you back. it is not out of snootiness but because I simply don’t look at someone and blurt out some topical thing that I like, I am simply not that person. If making friends were a cooking mechanism I would be a crock pot. The longer you warm me up the better the product will be but it takes time. I understand that people don’t always seek these kind of friendships and will often overlook me as righteous or unapproachable, that is very much a part of my life. However I find myself wishing that people would be clear with me. I find it disrespectful when people won’t share their true thoughts about me. I can respect someone who dislikes me or doesn’t like being around my personality but I can not respect those who are not upfront and what I consider honest. I guess in my perfect world half my acquaintances would come up to me and tell me that they only put up with me because they like my friend,family,boyfriend or whatever. There is something magical about that honesty even if it hurts. In order to not sound hypocritical I must also explain why I don’t come walking up to people telling them I dislike them:

     I only dislike people when I am certain that I have a solid grasp on who they are as a person, when I have tried to connect and they pull away or do not treat me with respect or various other scenarios, simply put before I can honestly say that I want nothing to do with a person I have to know who they are. That is my biggest problem with acquaintances is that they almost se you but actively decide not to make any decision about you. This makes me so nervous and uncomfortable. I want to live in a world where you either are in black or white and these sections are held together not by gray but by basic respect and human understanding.

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