nonfiction · thoughts


It has been all over WordPress and social media, the idea of writing your past self a letter. This was a particularly difficult thing to do for me. I have always had a strong sense of self and have tried to do my best to live a guilt free life, which I have been moderately successful at. But here it goes

Dear Me, hey its you.

I imagine you are halfway through your senior year and I am here to remind you that you are totally doing it right, aside from obsessing over your ex boyfriend. He is a selfish person and not worth your effort, I promise. Ignore him and keep pushing through to your goals. I have some bad news for you: you are not as spontaneous as you thought you were, it turns out you like things to be controlled and have a rhythm to them. Try not to stress about this, you don’t have to be overly social and feel like your missing out on young adult life because you aren’t making terrible decisions.
By this point you have already accepted going to NAU and that will have its own set of challenges. You will learn that men are easy to find and your freshmen year will be full of men that will try to get with you, you will handle this well but don’t let this confidence go to your head because you might miss out on someone worth your time. Also more bad news, it turns out it wasn’t just your high school that was filled with shitty people, that’s life. Life is filled with shitty people who are just as dumb as you thought they were. It sounds cynical but it is the truth. Trust your instincts and only make quality friends. Keep the ones you have in high school, keep nurturing those friendships because they are so rare and you have no idea how lucky you are.
Be prepared to have people not like you. People will dislike you for what they think you are and won’t put any time into changing their judgement, don’t be like them. Try to put yourself out there and reach out to people when they don’t reach out you did nothing wrong.
Good News: love is just around the corner. All those birthdays spent wishing for someone that would understand you and love you and makes you better, are about to pay off. It is nothing that you expected and will come with its own unique journey and set of challenges. You will learn a lot about yourself and many doors will open. Love is balance, keep this in mind. Let people be who they are and be an addition to their life. Remember to be the best you. Acknowledge your need for them but don’t become dependent because you are in it for the long haul and you both are still becoming who you want to be. Don’t panic when people try to get you to get married. Keep your comments to yourself and just smile. People will gossip about this and will blame it on you, but remember making other people happy about your relationship is not your concern. Therefore remember “what people think of you is none of your business”.
Finally, The next four years will be filled with a job that you hate as much as you love but will teach you discipline,balance and restraint. Life is constantly changing so try not to freak out when life takes longer than the time you allotted. Some experiences are worth having and the slight set back on your timeline is worth it. You were right about your Bachelor’s being a boring experience. Classes will not challenge you in the way you want them too, this is a stepping stone to law school. But learn from the teachers that are passionate, seek their counsel because they have found a way to mix their passion with work which is so so valuable. People are not going to stop telling you that what you want to do is hard. People also don’t understand your passion. They think you are a silly girl that just likes to argue, to combat this keep being you, know who you are. Don’t be afraid to change be afraid of staying stagnant.
P.S Don’t be afraid of your spirituality. Spirituality is the key to self awareness. Spirituality is not about being right it is about being at peace.


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