thoughts

Caught Between Comfort and a Soft Place

After getting my bachelor’s degree out of state I was eager to move home. Back with my family and my friends with the accompaniment of my boyfriend of 4 years. It was supposed to be magical, I was suppose to have everything I loved in one place for the first time in my life. The funny thing is, I some how over the past 4.5 years,forgot that I left this place for a reason. I love southern california, I love the traffic the overpopulation it feels like home to me, a enjoy a subtle amount of clausterphobia in my world because it makes me feel important. The amount of people make me feel like I have to rise to the top on my own merit, and my viking heritage loves it, something to conquer and make work for me.
I thought the warm weather and the lower elevation is what I would have to get used to but it has been living back with my parents. My parents are great people, and I love them for letting me come back home while I try to make a name for myself; but the question I have been trying to answer if that means I don’t get to bring forth my complaints. I usually am a strong supporter of “there are no trade offs when it comes to your happiness” but when it comes to generosity is that still true? Do I get to tell my parents it drives me nuts that I can leave a few papers in a room that is virtually unlived in? If I make dinner do they have the right to text me and tell me to do something? It is this strange level of paradoxical parental politeness and it is slowly driving me insane.
I chose to be here, I chose to go somewhere comfortable to start my adult life, to start building my future. I chose to be somewhere comfortable and somewhere supportive but I found away to be grumpy about it. I am not sure if that is just me or the inherent desire to not live with your parents. Ultimately I am caught in this strange cycle until I become an actual adult with an actual salary. Until then I am caught between what I always wanted including the micro-problems that come with it.

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