I have been told my whole life to be warm and inviting. I have been told to always have a smile on my face because that is how I attract other people, that is how I get friends. There is this idea that smiling and politeness are more important than honesty in regards to friendship and this is something that I truly despise.
I make friends because I want to have a support system outside of my family. I want to have a group of people of like age that understand my current struggles and will love me not because they are supposed too. I want people in my life who love and support me not because of my blood or by marriage but because they see a kinship in me that they can not find other places. I want a social group that connects with me. Me as I am.
It is commonly accepted that people have rings of friends: the inner ring that consists of a handful that know you inside and out flaws and all, the friend ring, where you care about their well being and spend a lot of time with them but the relationship is only surface, than you have your acquaintances that you see at social events and you share stories and gossip. I am a person that only cares about the inner circle. I have a fairly large inner circle because any friendship that is worth having is one that is deep and meaningful. I have no use for the topical. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in politeness and manners but my willingness to make you like me simply does not exist.
I have survived with this policy for so long and it has worked for me. I am not disappointed in my friends and I always get back what I put into my friendships. Anyone outside my “inner circle” is treated with basic decency. But it is important to remember that I come as is.
I hate this idea that people are only attracted to us when we have our masks on. That the only way we can have friends is if we hide our flaws and bottle up everything that is inside. I am a strong believer in the idea that the energy that you put into the universe is what the universe delivers back to you. Meaning, if you put honesty energy into the world you will get honest things back. If we continue to hold onto the idea that we need to be a certain way in order to have friends we will only receive those who are insincere.
I understand that some people are simply that nice and generally likable, I applaud you but there are people like me who aren’t as inviting who make quality friends in other aspects. We can all belong to the same friend circle, different people can make connections as long as that vibe is the same, and I think that honesty is the best vibe we can have.